Guess i was right to say that "life isn't fair" after all

After trying so many ways to make all of u happy, i turned out to be the bastard after all..
well of cos it was obvious who is in the wrong after scolding f*** u in front of my face..
but the one getting scolded was in the wrong, is there any justice?

u forced me to say all this and in the end, i guess this relationship might never recover
i keep asking myself.. hasnt it been fair? has it been? was it ever been?
yes.. i might be fair when i was still a child, being told that the youngest needs more and much more care frm u all.. but only my grandmother din budge, refusing to surrender to this theory.

just as i had convinced myself that the 2 of them needed more attention as i can now take care of myself and make certain decisions correctly, this struck again
i was in the end the one left heartbroken and wounded, with nobody caring and asking..
and forever in the end i ended up the one apologising, always
have u ever thought of my feelings, have u ever cared when i was struggling to cope with bad situation alone? have u ever think that i would sometimes feel like crying at the mention things happening between us as compared to others? have u ever thought that the present we gave to u during mothers' day was a result of convincing ur precious child that u sld deserve it?
i bet u didn't cos u would think it was him who suggested buying u this gift and i was the one paying the money

i tried all ways to make u happy, going home early when i noe that u wld not be happy when i reach home late, staying @ home during my hols to help u with the hsework (i agree i do skive at times) and worrying about ur whereabouts when i couldnt reach u at home. i remembered the other time u told me ur head hasnt heal, i asked u to see a doctor but u refused, i tot of calling the doctor home - reason cos i din want to lose such a wonderful mother. U told me just few days back that the bruise on ur hand wasnt healing other, i tot of giving u the money to see the doctor, u refuse to; is that my fault again? is it mine again? IS IT!? i listened to mos of ur advice; when u told me the words i use wasnt appropriate, i changed, i stopped using the words,
whenever i needed advice, i sought help frm u, and i listen and consider ur advice before making some decisions cos i looked up to u with the qualities of granny, my beloved granny, when yx told me what happened, i was so afraid that it would happen to me again, i tot of asking u to go to the doctor the next morning, but this happened, how am i going to say this to u again? by the time u realise u're in danger, wld it be too late? u told me u needed surgery did u imagine i was so afraid, did u? have u? [i din want to face the ans, but...]

u2: i tot u were my only friend who would share tots at home with me, but i was totally wrong, i was utterly disappointed with ur words today. u agreed with me just the other day but turned and pierce a knife into my back. people said that we were very close to each other, its just superfical after today, i think everything cant be mend now, there would always be a scar left behind. u commented the other time i din buy anything for u all when i came back, after that time, i had bought things for u whenever i went out... u noe why i din want u to spend money on my bdae? cos i wanted u to buy things for urself, but in the end i was wrong... utterly wrong
when u needed help, i lend u my helping hand, it turned out to be something which i might regret after all... i'm confuse, heartbroken and wounded totally...

m i doing all the wrong things for the right reason? or m i doing the right things for the wrong reason?
what am i doing by aiming to get good grades so tat u all wld not have to slog out hard after u all retire? i wanted the best for u all, but did u all wanted the best for me? i love this family which brings warmth although i am oways the one pleasing u all and myself

sometimes i have to struggle to brace on a smile whenever i think of all of u, i promise myself not to cry when i think abt the bad things that happened to us but i;m tearing....

u said u dote on me? yes i agree.. that was b4... did u memorise my exam timetable b4? did u
did u? is the cable tv a significance of both of u loving me as a daughter? i'm doubting my presence in the hse, doubting my care and concern for all of u. even when i ask u my birth date now? will u be able to answer? its april 19, 1987 but i dun want to know the answer, i am afraid of getting the wrong response