Don't ever leave me ... "i won't"

*quoting from books again, still v much sucked into the book =S

have been receiving bad news here and there and i knew things were to good to be too happy. somehow i feel because of what i have done (yeah am finding excuses for my actions but not proud of it), its not easy to feel happy. i feel like the character in the book, fml, except that character is rich, successful and eligible but i fear for my every breathing second (maybe except when i sleep, or maybe not cos sometimes my sleep is interrupted by nightmares :"(). i remembered waking up crying a few times because of the nightmares *sigh** and i woke up crying zzz... but as a child i really had nice dreams hahaha dream of all the toys i had and woke up trying to find my new toys to play -_-""".

its easy for people to say. "no, i'm not doing it anymore and i'm letting go." but in my situation, its not easy to even think of this situation, but i very much wanna try and work in another field. i'm very exhausted already and disappointment seems to be lurking around in every corner every single time i had high hopes of gaining new experience. i hope i can be normal with regards due to working life, 8-5/6 and getting to go some places sometimes in the evening. i think i lost many friends due to work already. duno why i say so much today when i don like to talk about work ~~ i just hope of having a chance to gain new experience, maybe not gain back the friends i've lost =(. its easy to criticize lah i know ... but sometimes its very tiring trying to hide the truth and wanting at the same time, to speak the truth :(. i hope...

more laters, if i can bear it. 


happy weekend!